So who are the movers and shakers who have brought the Tory party to internal warfare and the country to the brink of disaster; who continue to fiddle and play their own trumpets whilst the country goes to the dogs with the NHS collapsing, schools overstretched and underfunded, crime rapidly increasing as tens of thousands of policemen are made redundant, the palace of Westminster itself on the brink of falling down, and big business hightailing it to Europe as fast as possible? Let’s take a look at them and their motives:

Jacob Rees-Mogg – the intellectual powerhouse behind the Brexit idea, and sponsor of the European Research Group in the House of Commons. Educated at Eton and Oxford, and highly intelligent, Mogg runs a hedge fund. His inherited wealth (over £100m in 2016, and now nearing £200m) is invested in the Cayman Islands and Singapore tax havens. Mogg benefits financially from the weakening pound by keeping his own assets offshore in foreign currency. Perhaps the biggest insider trader of all time, he uses his position in parliament to weaken the British economy and currency whilst profiting from the weakness he produces. A faithful Catholic, he is opposed to the Good Friday agreement, and foments unrest in Northern Ireland by insisting on a border between North and South which favours unification. He has stated in interviews that he takes direction from Rome above that of his party. His motivation is money.

Boris Johnson – another Eton and Oxford product, Johnson started as a journalist but was sacked by The Times after submitting fake news for publication. On the strength of this owner Conrad Black made him editor of the Spectator, before going to jail for dishonesty and fraud. Johnson is funny, witty and humorous in front of the camera, and has parlayed this skill to create himself as a celebrity by careful self-promotion and comedic acting. He has reneged on all his promises, including his marriage vows (conducting several affairs and fathering at least one bastard whom he tried to disown but was forced to acknowledge after a court case), ending London homelessness (which tripled under his time as Mayor) and stopping the Heathrow third runway (which he now supports). He is untrustworthy and dishonest, falsifying facts and history to suit himself. The UK equivalent of Donald Trump with better education, his driving force is to win at all cost (someone else’s), and his motive is power.

Michael Gove – put up for adoption as a baby by his unmarried student mother, educated at Robert Gordon’s Aberdeen and Oxford, Gove was a Labour supporter who changed his colours at University after hobnobbing with the aristocracy. Following a brief career in journalism he stood as a Tory MP and reinvented himself as a country gentleman. With no family money he had to survive on his generous parliamentary salary and allowances, supplemented by occasional journalism and his wife’s scurrilous gossip column in the Mail which retails their pillow talk. Gove was outed in the MP expenses scandal after claiming £7,000 to furnish his London house before ‘flipping’ it with a Surrey house a comfortable 50 minutes commute from parliament, claiming a further £13,000 from us for the costs of the move. Prime Minister Cameron forced him to apologise and repay the money, and Gove has never forgiven him. Gove is intelligent but socially inept. After befriending Johnson he then betrayed him. He substituted Johnson’s nomination form as candidate for prime minister with his own, after Johnson trusted him to deliver it following Cameron’s resignation. Gove was insufficiently skilled to avoid the subsequent label of traitor after betraying Johnson, which cost him the nomination. Gove is ambitious and dishonest, but his motivation is unclear beyond making money and reaching a position of power.

David Davis – Educated at Tooting Bec Grammar and the university of life, Davis had an unremarkable career in the Tate & Lyle business for 14 years before becoming Tory MP for Boothferry in 1987. Whilst not intellectually gifted or hard working, he is one of the most experienced politicians in the party after more than 30 years in the house. With the safest seat in the country Davis claimed over £10,000 of taxpayers’ money on home improvements in the last parliament, including a £5,700 portico for his home in Yorkshire, over £2,000 to mow and roll two paddocks, another £414 to overhaul his mower, and £5,000 on home furnishings. His main motivations are money, and doing less work as he nears retirement.