Following on from the decisions of the UK banks to close all sterling accounts held by UK citizens resident in Europe, the UK government issued the following press release this morning:

“Following the failure of the European Union to agree to our terms to conduct trade and financial relationships with them, the UK government is withdrawing from further negotiation. From 1st January 2021 Europe is on its own. The United Kingdom will cease from all further financial activity in Europe. Amongst the consequences will be that the United Kingdom Inland Revenue service will in future only collect taxes in the United Kingdom, and will not levy taxes on those resident overseas. Because they will have no way of paying them”.

Time to break out the champagne then!

Asked to comment, Prime Minister JoBo said: “Yes, well, it’s a natural consequence of the intractability of the European Union, and was pretty inevitable form the start really… it’s all their fault, and if the banks have to do it, then golly gosh they will”.

Chancellor Sunny Risktaker added: “What – who said that, what on earth is going on? No, we’re going to raise the money by borrowing it instead of running a tax department full of civil servants. What with negative interest rates, we can con foreign banks into lending us trillions of pounds and paying us for the privilege, so we don’t need taxes. What ho, great stuff eh? Anyone for a game of real tennis?”