When I was a small boy, I was only scared of two things: my father and big steam trains.

How times have changed.

Now I’m scared of the financial meltdown of the Euro, all dogs (I have a phobia having recently been bitten by one— it turned out to belong to an Amsterdam hooker— and I was told by the doctor how many lethal germs are in their saliva. The Bible tells us that “dogs came and licked Lazarus’s sores as he was begging at the rich man’s gate”), anyone wearing a hood, racist politics, most of the food we eat, what happens to the plastic wrapping around most health food, the air we breath, house prices, flying, passport control, shopping in Amsterdam’s Kalverstraat, driving, stepping on dog pooh and trampling it all over the house (old Amsterdam tradition now banned), laying under the sun, cats, bungee jumping, speaking in public, karaoke, horror movies, plastic surgery, tattoos, Madonna, lawyers….and ..er?…memory loss….

…add some of your own.