In a daring move, the EU has launched a surprise raid on Northern Ireland! Following heated discussions concerning the supply of Covid vaccine to the EU and the inability of Belgian and Dutch plants to make any, the EU Reichsfuhrer Ursa Tyrranica, nickname The Polar Bear, ordered the raid on AZ’s Northern Irish plant. EU commando forces landed in Belfast, where they met with stiff opposition from the combined forces of the DUP and Real IRA guerrillas. After performing a U-turn and fleeing under fire across the Irish border into the EU, they were met with a cold shoulder from the Irish Teapot Mick ‘The Brick’ Martin who told them to piss off back to Brussels. They were escorted to an Irish rowboat by his border patrol, and advised to row in a South Easterly direction. 

At the time of writing, Ursa is licking her wounds and debating the merits of hibernation for the rest of winter. From his HQ in Belgium, the leader of the raid Hauptmann Mannerring was made available for comment. He said he was only following orders and could not be held responsible…

The UK government has filed a stiff warning to the EU not to repeat the exercise, otherwise they will set up a revitalised European Court in Nuremburg. Other EU Commission apparatchiks cited use of ‘Artikel Sechszehn‘, which makes Northern Ireland part of the EU when the Reichsfuhrer feels stressed, and invited our reporter to Bruges for complimentary champagne and canapés.